rambling words after midnight

Sometimes, I think words come in the most beautiful moments.  In times when my heart races or when tears are ready to stream down my cheeks.  These are times I wish to utter my thoughts but can’t bear the fearful revelation.  Moments in time when I feel scared or wish not to draw more attention to myself.  I realized years ago, I don’t like to let people see me cry.  It has happened, and most of the time it feels good someone has seen, but often I wish not.  I don’t want anyone to see the tears roll down or the hurtful words I express about how I may feel.  I’d rather cry in silence than give one the privilege of having seen me vulnerable, broken, lost, confused.  I would rather lock myself away, than later understand I have let others see my heart.  Mostly because I’m sure my heart is not always completely truthful.

Rather raw and exposed to light it does not know how to handle.

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