the moths don’t die for nothing

I’m sure people just kiss each other. I’m sure that sometimes you’re talking and somehow two people move closer and closer to each other and then, they just kiss. I’m sure it happens all the time. But I’m also sure that a kiss is never just a kiss.

  • Iain S. Thomas in I Wrote This For You
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i’ll fall on you

For the past week, I’ve had a specific song stuck in my head.  It’s not surprising because I tend to get stuck on songs often.  I’ll listen to them until I wear them out or discover a new one I need to listen over and over again.

Of course, my love for each specific song remains always.

My song this week has been Lord, I Need You by Matt Maher.

I’ve gone to bed each night listening to it as I fall asleep and I’ve played it at least 20 times on the piano.  (Okay, small exaggeration there….)

But right now it’s my jam.

With one line hitting my heart each time:

When I cannot stand, I’ll fall on You

Now note how it doesn’t say: when I cannot stand, I’ll stand on You.  Out of the bazillion times I’ve listened or sung this song, I’ve only sung that line correctly about 6 six.  I almost always say stand on you instead of fall on you.

Obviously, there’s a reason I keep saying stand and not fall.  Falling is an image of defeat.  I keep thinking Matt Maher should have written that when I cannot stand, I’ll stand on You – because it feels strange that God would let us fall.

But as I keep spending time with this song and singing it, I’m realizing that we do fall.  When I can’t stand anymore, I fall.  I don’t keep standing even if God’s right there with me.  He lets me fall, but He doesn’t just let me fall – He lets me fall on Him.  (If I choose to fall on Him.)

The point is – when those rough nights hit – we can lean on Him.  Fall on You means to lean on You when that weariness hits in.  When no person’s words or touch is enough, but the rest we find in Christ’s arms.

And actually, I suspect that sometimes it’s refreshing to fall on God because we don’t have to worry about landing – He’ll always catch us.

it’s too soon to be lost

I tried very hard to please you.

I spoke as I should and was careful with my words.

Until I got tired.

You reminded me of the shadows, told me to be quick.

You shouted with a victorious cry when you thought you’d won.

You belittled my mind.

And I wonder if it makes you happy,

when you make me small.

When you come out the winner, while I am the loser.

I know I do the same thing again and again, I repeat and take too long to explain… but I had hoped you’d be kind.

What happened to the vows?

I will love you in the good and the bad, in sickness and in health…. etc etc etc

Do I believe you lied?  No.

You promised me a promise I secretly wish you’d remember, but understand why you do not.

Maybe I’m not easy to live with.  Maybe I make life hard.  Maybe my mindlessness is not easy on you.  Perhaps, it’s my fault as well

for the hole we’ve stuck ourselves in.

I just wish we knew how to dig ourselves out.

a thankful daughter

mday

I have a beautiful mamma.  I really do.

She is so wonderful.  Over the course of my life, I haven’t been the easiest of daughter’s.  She’s angered me and I have angered her, but I love her dearly.  I would never change her for an other living soul, as my mother.

She’s Greek with a strong and loud character.  You know if she’s around.  Her favorite thing in life is to tease others.  It’s a strange phenomenon when people don’t like her because EVERYONE loves her.  She embodies a personality of life and knows how to bring excitement to a dying party.  Her thought process is without a filter and she’s the cutest when she scowls me in English.

I may not always show my love to her in the best way, but I do love her.

She reminds me not to let my melancholic thoughts take the best of me.  She’s the best encourager and never fails to give me a positive spin when I need it most.  She’s selfless in relation to her family and gives her heart for those she loves.

Today is Mother’s Day and unfortunately, I am not near her to celebrate her.  However, distance makes my heart grow fonder and learn to love her better.

And so, I say to you, celebrate your mother on this special day!  If you’re near her take the opportunity to show her how much you value her.  Do something special.  Yes, you might feel aggravated by your mother, but leave it aside during this day of recognition.  After all, she gave birth to you – she has the right to drive you crazy…. Well, not true, but maybe for a day!

If nothing else, get her flowers, give her a hug and kiss her on the cheek.

Happy Mother’s Day to all you beautiful mothers!!!

i want her to stay

It’s not easy to let go.  I pride myself in saying, “She never leaves me.”

She hasn’t tried ever.

At least not yet.

I don’t think she’ll ever want to leave.

But then, her eyes drifted.  It was unnerving.  Simple, like a tide in the ocean.

Ever so slowly, softly and gently.

Her gaze moved.

And I am worried she won’t want to stay here for much longer.

And I need her.

I can’t let her go just yet.