you are good

in every season

when my heart breaks
when i can’t breathe because my chest feels tight
when the stars in the sky shine so bright
when the wind blows hard
when the rain pours down
when the storm is strong and i’m afraid i’ll get lost in the night
when the whispers of a man’s promise are broken
when i’m drowning in my own sorrow
when tomorrow seems so far away
when i say goodbye
when i won’t ever say hello to you again
when life doesn’t go as planned
when people steal, cheat, and lie
when people die
when people leave
when people break my heart
when people love me
when people hug me
when people remind me you are good
when the wait seems too long and too hard and too far away
when tears fill my eyes
when i lay awake at night and my thoughts flood my mind
when i’m happy
when i’m sad
when the sun shines through my window blinds
when the morning birds sing
when the train shares its loud deep horn
when i lose what i want to keep
when i don’t get what i want
when he looks at me but nothing changes
when i feel alone and lost
when hopelessness pinches at my heart
when my mind can’t figure out how to let go
when my heart doesn’t want to let go of him
when i write and try to find my voice
when i find my voice
when i lose my voice
when the past haunts my mind and scares my future
when i don’t know who i am
when i don’t know what i want
when i don’t know how to move on
when i don’t love you well
when i’m mean, hurtful, hateful to those i love
when i don’t love well
when others don’t love me well
when i’m judgemental
when my insecurities take over
when the darkness falls around me and i decide i want to stay in its shadow
when you pull me out
when tomorrow’s promise is everything begins again but it all still feels the same
when i wake up and decide to be good, kind, loving to myself
when i learn how to love well
when i find the peace that passes all understanding
when i realize life may not be about being happy

but about your goodness.

goodbye january 2017, hello february 2017

Oh January. You have been a month full of loss, hurt, and pain.

You’ve been hard.

Harder than I predicted. You’ve been hard on the world too.

2017 you did not start with a shiny new beginning. Instead, you followed closely in the footsteps of 2016. Not surprising since we put way too much pressure on you.

I won’t lie – part of me wishes for a do-over; rewind time and maybe get it better the second time around.

But.

Maybe February 1st can serve as a do-over. It’s tomorrow after all. New month, new day, new 28 days to live. New prospect that maybe this whole month will be easier and lighter and freer.

Tonight January ends and tomorrow February begins.

May it be good.

thinking about tomorrow

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I find, I am incredibly disappointed by people all too often.  Not necessarily, by people I know but by humanity.

I observe them and demean them stupid.  Lost in idiotic ways and easy sheep to an evil prey.  Grown men unable to say no and women too vocal to make any sense.  Suppose, we are the ones to change the world – what a terrible job of ruling we do.

My thoughts tonight come from a movie, a protest and words spoken to me.  Are we just weak and frail unable to discipline?  I speak for myself too.  Countless nights, I do nothing to press forward, but sit expecting life to change.

Friday, I walked the streets of Thessaloniki and found a main road covered with fliers – with a blue font contrasting the white.  I stopped and snapped a picture, continuing my way, noticing the people getting rowdy.

Aren’t they tired of it all?

They want a better tomorrow they say, return Greece to its glory.  Yes, by cleansing the land of impostors and immigrants….adapting their ruling to that of a new nazi, one living and breathing in Greece.  They call themselves the Golden Dawn with worrisome tendencies.  Too many stories have been told about them and I worry.  Thankfully, not all follow their doctrine.

Alas, here lies a nation with a past which dooms its future.

We all know its history… will those once philosophical Greeks remain, just as they were before, stubborn and prideful?