tomorrow said hello to sally

It’s easy for her to rush forward.  To try and solve it all before it happens.  She thinks she’s doing herself a favor, but she’s not.

She needs to take a step back.

Watch the ripples of water fall down the facet or see as the rays of sun rise from the earth.  Take in the little pausing moments of the days.  Notice how his smile twitches or how she says thank you.  Hold the little baby close and feel the beating heart of another soul.

Or even, stop and listen to her own breathing.  Feel the soft tempo of her being – set aside her thoughts that are too deep, full of worry beyond her strength.

Emerge life into her unyielding mind.  Remind it how when she was little she could sit for hours and talk to her imaginary friends:  Sally, Missy and Lilly.  It was fun then to just play.  Sit on her bottom and drink fake tea or wear her mommy’s clothing and shoes.

She didn’t perform then, not for anyone expect herself and it was fun.

She laughed at her own jokes even if they weren’t funny.

She didn’t think about tomorrow and perhaps, that’s when the rush began.  When tomorrow popped in and said hello to Sally.

Then without asking her, Sally began to believe tomorrow and tell her to think about it.

Did she know where she was going and what she was doing and what she would be wearing??

So many questions she didn’t know how to answer Sally…

Slowly, Sally, Missy and Lilly no longer asked her anymore questions because tomorrow took them away.  They where enslaved by their curiosity of what could come later.  What if they could do something to make tomorrow better?  Today, was not enough and so, tomorrow needed to be perfect.

Tomorrow is now her king and I just pray — YES, I pray, she remembers the little quiet things.

If she does, the rushing will stop.

She will come back.  She will find her rest and sit down and play.  She will no longer play with Sally, Missy and Lilly because she has grown up.

But also, she will have found herself again.

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my puzzling realization

My plan for today was to write for two hours, solid.  I only managed 15 minutes before I caved.  Last week, I was asked if I am good at disciplining myself, I answered: I hope I am.

And in truth, to some degree I am, but to another I am not.

The reason I failed so miserably probably has to do with a book I started reading yesterday and finished today.  For the past two months, a hunger to read has overthrown me.  I like this hunger and want it to stay.  Therefore, I find myself complying to its needs.  The book I read and finished is Divergent by Veronica Roth.  A book similar to the concept of the Hunger Games and one soon to found on the big screen.

(My latest desire is to read all the books which will soon be made into movies.)

The story is good, the character development is exciting.  This girl, the author, is a graduate of Creative Writing and it makes my belly sick.  Mostly, because I wonder if I could write a book like hers.  Though, to take on a novel seems too challenging to attempt.  For a while now, novels scare me.  Perhaps, it’s the commitment I would have to give.  Not to mention, I don’t know if my writing is always stable and clear.  Most of the time, I am confused by my own words and wonder if they make sense.

Anyways.

The truth is I began writing today with the hope that I would write for two hours.  Obviously, this didn’t happen.  It’s okay it didn’t because at least, I am still educating myself by reading.  Correct?  Or so I will continue to tell myself as I begin the next book.

Since those hours past, I have realized something.  I’ve decided to go into the abstract and try to create.  I didn’t give myself ground rules… Most importantly, I didn’t give myself an audience.

How am I suppose to write when I don’t know who I am writing for?