goodbye january 2017, hello february 2017

Oh January. You have been a month full of loss, hurt, and pain.

You’ve been hard.

Harder than I predicted. You’ve been hard on the world too.

2017 you did not start with a shiny new beginning. Instead, you followed closely in the footsteps of 2016. Not surprising since we put way too much pressure on you.

I won’t lie – part of me wishes for a do-over; rewind time and maybe get it better the second time around.

But.

Maybe February 1st can serve as a do-over. It’s tomorrow after all. New month, new day, new 28 days to live. New prospect that maybe this whole month will be easier and lighter and freer.

Tonight January ends and tomorrow February begins.

May it be good.

growing up

She wasn’t ready for time to pass by so quickly.

It leaves a wake trailing behind even as the dust settles underneath her toes. Glancing down she notices new scabs and bruises coloring her pale skin.

Hadn’t she just cleaned them yesterday?

Or was that the day before yesterday…

She blocks the sun from her eyes and takes one step forward. Sometimes, growing up means walking even when it hurts.

rolling through week four!

Week four!! I’m on week four of teaching. Time is flying, ya’ll.

Some weeks, I love teaching other weeks, I could do without all the paper working following me around!

Anyways… I am a very proud COMM 210 instructor. I absolutely am so thankful for all my students. Last week, they all gave their first speeches and they all did so well. Also, they are just good students. They listen to me, I don’t have a lot of things to complain about and they engage. Ok, my first class, they could engage a little more, but we’re working on it.

My favorite thing is when they email me. I really enjoy interacting with them. I enjoy seeing them figure things out. In the last week, I’ve had several students email me questions, only to email me two hours later with the solution. They are so cute when they are like: Nevermind!! Figured it all out.

I have co-workers who have difficult students and I cannot believe it since mine are all so good. I just feel so thankful to the Lord for a smooth first semester of teaching so far. For giving me students, who understand me well (to an extent) and don’t drive me crazy. I wouldn’t mind that either. But I hear stories other GA’s have and I just feel so blessed for my sections. They are precious.

I keep saying I don’t want to do this next year, but who knows… Maybe I like it more than I think.

Wow, I seriously, cannot write a cohesive happy post.

Anyways, this all to say, teaching is going well.

music: i’m learning, so i think you should too

I have a song for you:

Though you slay me by Shane & Shane. (Thanks to my sis for pointing me in its direction tonight!)

Lately, I’ve been dealing with not feeling content. It’s a daily problem and some days, it’s worst than others.

Mornings and evenings are the hardest… I guess, I’m too distracted during the day.

But I want to tell you, this song, this video hits the head on the nail. Watch it. Listen to it. Pause. Let the words seep in, let the weight fall. You see, it’s a day by day process. Not a weekly or monthly or yearly thing – but a daily thing. Loving Him is daily.

one of my favorite things in life is watching myself grow up

In 2008, as a freshman SAU student, I was required to take a speech class. Now, in 2015, I am teaching a freshman class on public speaking. Wow, how the tables have turned. In just seven years!

I cannot believe the day is here. I am so nervous and so calm at the same time – is that possible?

Truth be told, the anticipation is killing me. I’m ready for the first day to pass and meet all my students. I’ll have a total of 60 because I’m teaching three different labs, twice a week. Tomorrow is the easy day, set for introductions and familiarity of our class policies.

As this day has approached, I haven’t been able to think of anything but my own speech class (in 2008). I went into the class absolutely not wanting to be there. I’ve grown up having to be up on a stage, but I’ve always had a problem speaking myself. I’ve never liked it and have tended to get very stressed by the motion of even introducing myself in front of others.

However, even though I hated being in a speech class, I will never forget my last speech. My professor, Mary Darling, allowed us to pick a story from Tony Campolo’s book and then share it with the classroom. I remember standing up and beginning my speech. As per usually, I was rushing through everything, until I got the end (the climax of my story) and realized I need to cool it. The door of our classroom was open and there were students outside, which made things worst. However, I remember getting to the end, to the most important part of my story and feeling time pause, because I had everyone’s attention.

I felt like I was holding both my audience in the classroom and those sitting outside of the classroom in the palm of my hand. And you know what? I will never be able to shake how cool it was to captivate my audience like I did with that story.

Even if I didn’t process it that day, I realize now, that without that class I never would have had that exact moment.

All to say, I hope I can be a Mary Darling to my students tomorrow. I hope that starting tomorrow, I will be able to teach them well, and help them learn that just because something scares us, it doesn’t mean we shouldn’t do it.

Wish me luck!