another, i don’t cope well with change post – sorry!

“The week of the 17th is training, the 24th classes begin!”

After the millionth time of saying the above or so it seems, I cannot believe today (the 17th) is here and almost over. Training week is no piece of cake and honestly, I knew this going in but kind of expected it to not be true?

Go figure.

I’m exhausted and worn out and ready to stay in bed for days. Actually, I’m ready for September to be here. I’m ready to skip these last few weeks of August. I’m ready to not have to work hard on maintaining conversation with people I don’t know well yet. I’m being vague, I know.

It’s because my life is changing and somehow, I thought I was better prepared for it but I’m not. In my natural Christi style, I am sad and scared but dealing with these emotions at a time I wish I weren’t.

Last January, I signed up to teach a class last-minute, but then ended up decided to not teach. However, the plan was to always teach this semester. Which for a while seemed so far away and now, teaching a class of my own in only a little over a week away. But you know, I don’t feel scared about the classroom. Sure my first couple classes will be rocky, but I am excited to meet my students. I’m excited to hear their stories. To see their young faces and fear and show them there’s nothing to fear. To tell them, out of fear we do such wonderful things. We can’t live a life where we don’t face our fears.

You see, you get knocked down and you just have to get back up!

Yet, here I am tears in my eyes, wishing my fear away. My wonderful older sister reminded me today of how Christ lives in me. And how, in my weakness He lives stronger. I mean, I feel like Jesus lives for the days when we feel like we are failing or are afraid. Honestly, these last few days have been shitty, but I have felt so much closer to Him. I visited a friend’s church on Sunday and I felt God’s presence in worship. Frankly, I’m not sure when was the last time I had actually felt like God’s presence was there, resting and I’m pretty sure I was one of the few that felt Him.

Anyways, all this to say, please keep me in your prayers this week. Pray, I can accept the change around me (aka a new living situation and new job) with a little less heartache.


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