so very tired tonight

Today was a long day.

Truth is these last couple weeks have felt long, busy and tiring – all in a good way.  I really like my second job.  It’s been fun getting to ride zip lines and get to know new people.  It’s been a blast.

It’s been a change in my life.  A change I think that I needed to have.  I just don’t think change comes cost-free.

As I left the zip line field tonight – feeling exhausted after 6.3 hours of going over protocol and zipping through the course – my eyes watered.  I put the car in reverse and calmed myself down.  I told myself I would cry as soon as I got in the shower.  When I could let wet tears become one with the running water.

The cost to me – I realized – was my family.  I haven’t gotten the chance to talk to them as much as I’ve wanted too.  They have been just as busy.  Our communication has been frail recently and being busier has made me seeking time to speak scarce.  I miss them so very much.

The cost has been not getting in touch with my graduate program to figure out what will happen financially and get answers to all my questions.

The cost has always been my lesser time with Jesus.

But here’s the thing:  Even though tomorrow is opening day and I am so scared out of my mind, so worried about how it will go… I just – I don’t know.  I don’t want to be afraid of it.  Besides, opening day means that this job will finally fall into a schedule.

The shiftiness of change, when it’s in that transition phase, will finally come into place.  (Or at least very close to it.)

And I am very ready for all transition to end.  I am ready to know exactly what it’s like to take a group through the zip line course and to have a better structured schedule.


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