i want a turn off button

I’m pretty good at filling up my time with nonsense and although, this nonsense has decreased it’s still nonsense.

It’s still there keeping me from thinking.

It’s the reason I’m up so late when I should be fast asleep.

I actually thought I’d given myself a good amount of time to just think and ponder and discover, but it’s past 1:30 am and I recognize, I didn’t give myself enough time.

I’m not a good wait-er.

I’ve never been.

When I want something, I want it to happen now.  Which is fine, but it’s not at the same time.  It causes me to stay up late and think, but not think at the same time because I don’t want to be thinking.

Confusing enough?

I guess my problem is that I can be so inconsistent with myself and I’m not sure how to stop.

I wish I had a button and I wish I could press it.  This button would then swipe away all my worry and doubt.  It would simply cause me to focus on today and live in today.  I don’t want to be swept away by maybes but stand firm on the ground I currently behold.

I thought today would clarify things for me and it did, but not as I would have liked.  At first, I thought this new idea would be okay to add to the back of my head, but really it’s just causing me more brain problems.

I don’t mean to complain – I just wish I could switch the off button and ship this uneasiness away.

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