I sat at the desk with a VBS manual open up before me and my eyes flickered to the time.
First day and I’m already impatient.
I’ll blame it on uncertainty of what comes next. I came into work not sure of what I should expect. I established my work time. Do I leave on time since today isn’t really an official work day or do I stick it out.
Answer: I stick it out.
I read over the manual and remember his words: Get familiar with it – you’ll need to know it inside out.
When I started to read, I got the feeling of knowing and not knowing. The information was recognizable but not at the same time. I want to test how well I’ll need to know it. Surely, just enough to get by right?
I’m here to help. Yes.
Time strikes 1:30 pm – I’m done. I linger, not sure if I’m allowed to leave or not. Finally, I arise and walk to his office and give notice that I’m taking my leave. It’s not as dramatic as I predicted, he fares me off.
I return to my office and collect my things. Then reality dawns on me.
In seconds, I’m back speaking to him. “I’m not leading this whole thing, am I?”
I ask. I’m sure he can notice the clear doubt in my voice.
“Oh yes, it’s going to be your baby.”
I wrapped up the conversation fast because I needed to process his words.
Now, there was still confusion about this on my side for a couple of weeks, but soon enough it got cleared up and I became fully aware of my responsibility.
Either way, I was mortified by this revelation for a few hours. I tried to wrap my mind around it and give myself enough credit to believe I could handle this job. (I’m my worst critique and I know it.)
It’s two weeks after the event – about eleven weeks since I found out I would direct a VBS event this summer.
And this is what I have to say: Sometimes a challenge isn’t as scary as it first appears to be.