a feeling of wistfulness, regret and remembrance

Today, I feel nostalgic.

A funny phenomenon because my memory is glorifying a time I struggled through.

How does this happen?

Well, being the particular person I am, I embarked on finding a new profile picture for my Facebook.  I went through old photos of last summer, hoping to find one I felt content with.  I have a tendency to want pictures of myself with an artist hint to them and therefore, struggle to find myself satisfied with simply a picture of myself.

Whatever.

(Quick note: I haven’t picked one.)

However, during all this looking, I’ve grown a sense of nostalgia for my summer of 2012.  I’ll tell you now, it wasn’t an easy summer.  In fact, I don’t think any of my summers since going to College have ever been easy, but this was a particularly hard.

I had lots of adjustment and change going on all around.

I was a recent College graduate who didn’t realize the shift of student to non-student would affect me a lot.  In late July I returned home not knowing when I would leave, exactly; at the time, my heart felt broken and my younger sister was getting married.

Even now, I look at that list and don’t think it terrible, but it was.

I was home and for better or worse, I was in a state of completely devastation.  I tried to be pleasant, but most of the time I was nasty and couldn’t figure out how to just feel content, feel happy.

Now, looking at pictures, I’m sure no one could guess of the pain behind the smile, but it was there.

Therefore, I find it funny how much I miss my summer of 2012.  Especially the good three weeks before my sister’s wedding and those after.  I enjoyed some good times with family and friends, and wish I had truly lived through those times.

I guess this is what nostalgia does to us all.

It’s a combination of wistfulness, regret and remembrance for what has come to pass.  Proving to me how no situation is as bad as my perception makes me believe it to be.

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