the limbo of unemployment

I’m living in the limbo.  The land of a post-graduate.

I’m not fond of this place.  I feel lazy half the time and unproductive the other half.  I keep saying I want a job, but I’m afraid of how I’ll feel when I have one.  Funny how we humans love, yet hate having nothing to do.

The less I interact with others, the less I feel creative.

I want to write, but I have no clue what to write about.  It’s like my own experiences aren’t fun for me to explore.  I don’t want to write about my life, which is funny because I really like Creative Non-Fiction and reading Memoirs.  It’s sad how much of a hard time I have with writing about my own life.  At the same time, my imagination has dwindled and left me dry.  I can’t start a sentence not feeling anger towards its pointlessness.   (If I don’t like how something sounds, I’m done with it.)

Lately, I’ve been thinking it’s because I’m afraid of what I’ll say.

Maybe I’ll confess a hidden memory, unintentionally – to myself.  There’s the chance of displaying something in the wrong light, making people look badly.  Being a little too biased.

I have a tendency to forget things.  I don’t remember things well, not until I’m reminded.  In my Creative Non-Fiction class in College, we had to write a traveling piece.  This should have been easy and it wasn’t.  I’ve been on countless trips since I was born.  However, when the time came to think of a travel experience I had, I decided to go with my most recent one.  An adventure I had a hard time writing about since it was so fresh.

A common reaction from my brain:  Oh sorry, you wanted a good memory from the past…..better luck next time!   COMPLETE BLANK in relation to anything.

Reason why I hate people asking me to share something interesting about myself.  I know there’s more to me than being half Greek.  Yet, it’s the only thought which pops in first.  Everything else blurs and my mind goes blank.

I want to live in a creative place, I want to be surrounded by creative people and I want to learn from it all.

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