I’m living in the limbo. The land of a post-graduate.
I’m not fond of this place. I feel lazy half the time and unproductive the other half. I keep saying I want a job, but I’m afraid of how I’ll feel when I have one. Funny how we humans love, yet hate having nothing to do.
The less I interact with others, the less I feel creative.
I want to write, but I have no clue what to write about. It’s like my own experiences aren’t fun for me to explore. I don’t want to write about my life, which is funny because I really like Creative Non-Fiction and reading Memoirs. It’s sad how much of a hard time I have with writing about my own life. At the same time, my imagination has dwindled and left me dry. I can’t start a sentence not feeling anger towards its pointlessness. (If I don’t like how something sounds, I’m done with it.)
Lately, I’ve been thinking it’s because I’m afraid of what I’ll say.
Maybe I’ll confess a hidden memory, unintentionally – to myself. There’s the chance of displaying something in the wrong light, making people look badly. Being a little too biased.
I have a tendency to forget things. I don’t remember things well, not until I’m reminded. In my Creative Non-Fiction class in College, we had to write a traveling piece. This should have been easy and it wasn’t. I’ve been on countless trips since I was born. However, when the time came to think of a travel experience I had, I decided to go with my most recent one. An adventure I had a hard time writing about since it was so fresh.
A common reaction from my brain: Oh sorry, you wanted a good memory from the past…..better luck next time! COMPLETE BLANK in relation to anything.
Reason why I hate people asking me to share something interesting about myself. I know there’s more to me than being half Greek. Yet, it’s the only thought which pops in first. Everything else blurs and my mind goes blank.
I want to live in a creative place, I want to be surrounded by creative people and I want to learn from it all.