a night of fighting a battle for truth

My nights work in cycles.

Cycles of sleep.  Cycles of forced sleep.

Cycles when my eyes close and don’t open till morning.  Cycles when my eyes take many hours to finally close.  Cycles when my eyes close but then open in the middle of the night for two or three hours.  Cycles of closing and opening and opening and closing.  If I’m lucky, I’ll get up and eat something and then find sleep sweet again.

On nights when my eyes are open for hours – my mind spins.

And spins and spins and spins.

I can’t make it stop.  Thoughts linger like pestering reminders of what I haven’t allowed myself to think about during the day.  They creep in when night falls and doom me to a sleepless night.

Even if I’m not thinking of something, it’s still working.  Restlessly against me.  As a poison to an exposed wound.  Only difference, I can’t cut off part of my body to stop the poison from spreading.  At least, not always since the cut off can be quite painful.

It’s easier to let poison run than find a way to stop it.

Until the last-minute, until I’m desperate enough to finally grasp to the truth laying within my soul.


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