I’d admit that I’m tired of flying over the ocean.
Especially more than once a year. The whole process is exhausting.
I absolutely love traveling. Exploring. Seeing new places. The adventure of flying to new places, even for a short visit like being in an airport for five hours.
Yet even in this exhilaration, I find weariness. I’m tired of my family being scattered around the world and feeling like I have to choose who I see and who I don’t. Somehow my heart has grown so good at loving that leaving and coming and going and returning is an overload.
I suppose the fault falls on my habit of getting comfortable only to feel ripped away later.
And times when I am tired by the day’s journey, all I feel is heaviness on my shoulders. All I feel is the need to confess I don’t have it all together. The only reasonable reason why I haven’t gone crazy yet is because God’s grace and mercy upon my heart. I find it extremely crazy how one day I feel perfectly content and at peace and then next as utter chaos has broken forth.
The striving must cease.
At this moment in time I don’t know where I want to be. I don’t understand who I miss and who I don’t. I’m afraid and I don’t know of what. I don’t claim to be strong, I am far weak and fragile… only by His grace am I able to take one step at a time. And it all comes back to that: His promises.
All will come in alignment.
He will clear my path one step at a time.
I wish patience was a gift I owned, but unfortunately it’s not.
What was it He said, though? Don’t you fret, Christiana….don’t you worry. We’ll go through this together.