if i were to be completely honest…

I’d admit that I’m tired of flying over the ocean.

Especially more than once a year.  The whole process is exhausting.

I absolutely love traveling.  Exploring.  Seeing new places.  The adventure of flying to new places, even for a short visit like being in an airport for five hours.

Yet even in this exhilaration, I find weariness.  I’m tired of my family being scattered around the world and feeling like I have to choose who I see and who I don’t.  Somehow my heart has grown so good at loving that leaving and coming and going and returning is an overload.

I suppose the fault falls on my habit of getting comfortable only to feel ripped away later.

And times when I am tired by the day’s journey, all I feel is heaviness on my shoulders.  All I feel is the need to confess I don’t have it all together.  The only reasonable reason why I haven’t gone crazy yet is because God’s grace and mercy upon my heart.  I find it extremely crazy how one day I feel perfectly content and at peace and then next as utter chaos has broken forth.

The striving must cease.

At this moment in time I don’t know where I want to be.  I don’t understand who I miss and who I don’t.  I’m afraid and I don’t know of what.  I don’t claim to be strong, I am far weak and fragile… only by His grace am I able to take one step at a time.  And it all comes back to that: His promises.

All will come in alignment.
He will clear my path one step at a time.

I wish patience was a gift I owned, but unfortunately it’s not.

What was it He said, though?  Don’t you fret, Christiana….don’t you worry.  We’ll go through this together.

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