“I want to know.” and “I want to understand.” are phrases which usually slip out of my lips.
Knowing and understanding things fuel my brain. I feel weak and confused when my surroundings make no sense. Multiple times, I will ask people to tell me to tell me the end of the story ahead of time, because I need to know what will happen. I get annoyed when people give me a teaser and expect me to wait for an explanation.
I suppose this hunger to know and understand often keep me from experiencing surprises.
However, if I have time and I know what is coming, I can prepare myself from what will take place. About four years ago, I remember receiving a computer as a gift. Frankly, I had not seen it coming and when the person gave me the computer I was in utter shock. I didn’t know what to say or what to do. My family told me to say thank you and later scolded me for not appearing to be thankful. I was very, very thankful for what I received. I was bummed because I didn’t get to choose my computer, but thankful to have one before my College years began. Therefore, when the time to react to this gift came, I was stunned an unable to express how I felt. I had mixed feelings. Maybe if I had known it was going to happen, I would have prepared myself and been able to truly express my thankfulness. I’m not a person who shows immediate thankfulness well. Sometimes, when people compliment me on my appearance, all I say is “thank you” and smile. Most of the time I feel like I’m doing something wrong, that I’m not as appreciative as I should be.
The unknown is scary and rough and mysterious. Yet, God exists in the unknown. He is the unknown. He has made revealed Himself and shown His face to His people, but He still rests in the unknown. He beckons all His children to follow Him into the unknown. To be drawn to the unknown. To expect surprises and take those surprises – knowing full-well a filling answer might not always come.
I’m scared of the unknown. I play a tug-a-war with it because I want to explore the unknown. I long to understand and know what I don’t. To dive and find, but at the same time feel terrified.
Paul talked about ‘the unknown god’ in Athens. He challenged them to see they offered up sacrifices to a god they did not know or understand. He explained to them how God – this unknown god – created the heavens and the earth. He breathed life into the lifeless and begotten His son to death on a cross.
In the unknown I will always find more and more – the abundance never ends.