mid-summer

The first half of my summer has come to a beautiful end.

I’m pleasantly surprised with how much I’ve changed in these past two months.  How much I’ve grown.  How much God has taught me.  I absolutely love it.  Oh, I just remember those tough days.  The ones I cried and cried and cried on.  The ones I felt heavy–weighed down, unable to move.  Or think I was failing.  How easy it is to think the worse of myself, just because a situation feels hard and overwhelming.

Since end-May and yesterday, I was an intern at a church.  I was working under two wonderful women and I was helping with their children’s ministry.  When I first got the position, I felt truly blessed.  I still feel–truly blessed.  I have no regrets for this summer.  No regrets on my decisions or points of action.  I come away feeling accomplished.

I’m pretty sure these words are void.  You’d have to see my heart speaking in order to understand.

I feel blessed beyond words.

I realized–it’s easy to be told… oh you can love and do ministry anywhere–it’s a different thing to realize how true it is.  I think I’m becoming a hippie.  All I want to do with my life is love.  I know it hurts–I’ve felt heart ache many times, because I give.

But that doesn’t mean I want to stop.  I love giving.  I love seeing relief in people’s eyes and easing their worry.  (Though, I may fail at easing my own.)  My passion, heart’s desire, is to love–nothing else, nothing more.  To put others before.  Never make them feel like they are inconvenient.  Let them know I will listen to their silent cries, their broken heart, their pain, their need for love and comfort.

I want to be a place of safe-love.  One who is judgmental free and ready to give, love.  A person who delights in the things of the Lord and rests in Him.

Though, I do have pain myself.  I, too, am a broken person.  Imperfect in so many ways.  I never want my words to reflect who I am not.  They are who I want to be, who I pursue to be.  The longings of my heart.  Even though I am dark, He was made me lovely.

My heart longs for passion.  I seek it in those who speak to me.  I seek it in myself.

This is where I am at; mid-summer.

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