prayer

From the moment he said he would pray for anyone who wanted prayer, I knew I was going to him.

I watched as others went before me, having the courage I was seemingly lacking.  I waited for an opening to stand up, go down the stairs, and go to him.  The moment came and I went.  I walked down and came face to face with him.

He asked me how he could pray for me, I said, “I want to feel Him more.  I never feel Him.  I want to feel Him.”  In that moment, that’s all I wanted.  I had gone down with another prayer in mind, another need I wanted him to pray for.  However, when I was face to face with prayer, all I could request was feeling God’s presence, His love.

Ken nodded, as I opened my hands upward, he held my hands and began to pray.

The more he prayed, the less I could hear his words.  This void over my ears came and blocked all sound.  I knew he was speaking, but it sounded like he was far far away or as if the music just overlapped every word he spoke.  Later, I asked Gina if she could heard him when he prayed or if the music was too loud.  She said she heard him perfectly.  I remember him telling me to rest.  The more I cared less about my surroundings the more I came into this void of peace, a sense of quiet.  Where I could hear the noise around me, but at the same time, I couldn’t.

Every so often, I would take a step back.  My body went back and forth.  Simply unable to stay put.  I felt hands behind me.  When I’d swift backwards, my mind would think, “I’m going to fall,” but then I would steady myself and move forward.  At one point, I felt them turn me slowly, but I couldn’t comprehend it.  The void was still there.  This sense of security, that no matter what happened, I was good.  My head felt full.  The hands around me were just protecting me.

I’m not sure how it happened, but my legs lost all control.  There was no need to hold back any longer, I barely remember my body falling backwards.  I just know I did.  One moment I was standing, then next I was laying on the floor.  The time in-between felt like it never happened.  The fall was like a moment of surrender, of letting go and going down.  I had no control, it simply happened.

As I laid on the floor, I rested.  In an unexplainable way, I felt water run up and down my body.  Rushing, moving, cleaning, shaking.  My best explanation is that it felt like water.  As if Jesus’ living water was within me.  I just rested there for a long time, when I was finally able to calm my body down, I moved into a sitting situation.  For the longest time I could stand up, I felt heavy.  Like my body was weight that I couldn’t life.

I kept thinking, “I want Ken to pray for me again.  I want God’s presence to overwhelm me again.  I want more prayer.  I simply want more.”

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