all i can do is pray

Is it pity I see in their eyes?  Oh judgment.  How easy it is to judge.

God.

I am unworthy to even call on Your name, but I am tired.  So very tired Father of pushing and shoving.  Of trying to hold on, but seeing “the greener side.”  Hah!  There is no greener side better than Yours.  Yet, each time something shiny appears I fall for it.  Again and again.  I’m tired.  So tired of chasing wasteful things.

Temptation, sin.  Ugh!  I hate it.  Oh Lord, I’m tired.  So very tired of turning away.  Desiring the tangible instead of You.  Telling others to trust You, yet secretly I don’t.  What a fake I am.  But I’m not!  I love You, I long for You.  At the end of the day, I would hate to miss out on anything from You.  I want to receive all You give to others.  I want Your love, Your gaze.  I want all of You, for me.

God.

I am tired.  So very tired of sin.  Of how it plagues my soul daily.  Will You fully and fill this sad empty heart of mine?  Will You spring living waters in it to rejoice and be glad in You?  Lord, in my sorrow I want to still feel joy in Your name.

Revive my heart of Lover of my soul.

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One thought on “all i can do is pray

  1. I’m reading a book called “The Divine Conspiracy” right now. It is excellent, and when I read this post, I was reminded of a passage in it. The author is speaking about what Jesus REALLY meant when he gave the beatitudes, rather than how the church has distorted them over time. Here it is:

    “Next are those who burn with desire for things to be made right (“Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be filled.”) It may be that the wrong is in themselves. Perhaps they have failed so badly that night and day they cringe before their own sin and inwardly scream to be made pure. Or it may be that they have been severely wronged, suffered some terrible injustice, and they are consumed with longing to see the injury set right–like parents who learn that the murderer of their child has been quickly released from prison and is laughing at them. Yet the kingdom of the heavens has a chemistry that can transform even the past and make the terrible, irretrievable losses that human beings experience seem insignificant in the greatness of God. He restores our soul and fills us with the goodness of rightness.

    And then there are the pure in heart, the ones for whom nothing is good enough, not even themselves. (“Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God.”) These are the perfectionists. They are a pain to everyone, themselves most of all. In religion they will certainly find errors in your doctrine, your practice, and probably your heart and your attitude. They may be even harder on themselves….How miserable they are! And yet the kingdom is even open to them, and there at last they will find something that satisfies their pure heart. They will see God. And when they do they will find what they have been looking for, someone who is truly good enough.”

    If any of this does not apply…throw it away, chuck it out of your consciousness. If it does…go read the Divine Conspiracy. When you have time, lol.

    Love you, girl.

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