february 1st

First day of February 2010, here is what I am currently feeling…

One of my good friends Becca and I, are placing a small little challenge on ourselves this new month.  For the next two months we will be reading 5 chapters of the New Testament each day.  Ultimately, we should finish the whole New Test in two months!  We are starting with Matthew and moving along.  I honestly, couldn’t wait for February to come and to begin this new little adventure I have placed myself in.  I look froward to what I have to learn about the New Test that I do not know now!  In this moment in time, I have read 4 chapters so far.  Matthew has an interesting way of writing.

Therefore, in many ways I feel good.  I’m excited and looking to see how this turns out.  My relationship with God, I’m just watching it grow.  As well as, my desire to spend more time with Him.

On the other hand… concerning relationships with people, I’m not sure what to say.  I’m disappointed in many ways and I don’t even know if I have the right to be disappointed.  I don’t get how God can handle us in anyway, that just shows me how great His love is.  Because really, if it was me… I’d get so mad.  I wish I was more like Him, I want to be.  I want patience and the ability to hold no record of wrong.  I’m not going to play the stupid human card and say, “well, I’m human… it’s not like I can act any differently.”  Because, no.  I am human, but I can choose to feel, act, and say whatever I want.  I can choose to know that God forgives and forgive others.  I can choose to know that when I move and go towards a situation I know I will fail, to have faith that He will pull me through.

I have to go to work now.  I don’t have time to finish my thoughts.  I just pray He will give me the strength and wisdom I need.  I pray Father, that You will guide my ways and teach me.  Help me Father, for I can do nothing right without You.

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