no peace or quiet

I just have thoughts running through my head constantly.  They never stop.  I don’t know if this is because I’m a girl or just that I am too preoccupied.  The other night, I couldn’t sleep.  I felt like there was so much noise going on in my mind, somehow it was occupied.

Someone asked me if I could remember what I was thinking about, and honestly, I don’t know.

Am I just incorporating too much information or something?  I wish I could switch my mind off.  Stop it, like stopping time and find silence.  I would like to find God in that quiet place.  Where no noise from people, music, etc. can interfere.

Noise… how do I let you go?  And turn to my God for peace and quiet?  Maybe if I close my eyes and picture myself in the middle of a desert, by the sea, in the woods… where there is no human noise, but nature noise.  Oh, I would love to be up on a mountain.  Or maybe in a garden of flowers.  A place to admire the beauty He has given.

I look for the day, to be by a lake and soak in everything He has made.

please be 10pm

The current time is 9:39.

For some strange reason I am dead tired and have been all day.  I took a 40 minute nap earlier.  How about I talk you through it?

Around 6:30, Clare (my roommate!) got in her bed to read some homework, I decided to do the same, only read my bible.  My brain can handle any more homework, honestly.  I got in bed, read my five chapters and then got extreeeemmmmllllyyyy (!!) tired.  So, I took a nap around 7 and gave into my desire for sleep.

It’s 9:41 now.

I woke up at 7:40.  Right away I knew I needed to stay up or else I’ll have the same problem with last night, I won’t be able to sleep.  For about 10-15 minutes I struggled with myself to not fall asleep again.  Finally, I got up.

9:42.

I want it to be 10pm so I can sleep.  My eyes hurt they want me to stop using them. I agree. My body wants sleep too, I think.

9:43. I think I’ll stop writing now, you get the point.

Don’t you love it when you get random posts like these from me? : )

9:44pm.

what I have made

Wrote this in class, instead of paying attention.  I usually do, but this just came to mind!  It’s still on a rough, sort of, draft.

Beloved, do you see?
Those flowers in the field,
they take root in the ground
but turn towards the sun.
They turn to Me.

I have made these for
our pleasure.

Beloved, do you smell?
The smell of the ocean blue.
As fish flop on the water,
the smell draws you to see.
Just like I draw you to Me.

I have made these for
I love you.

Beloved, do you see?
The deep blue sky and clouds
Where birds fly up on-high
and sing their song of praise.
Oh, how they sing for Me.

I have made these for
our pleasure.

to feel Your affections

Oh Father, I want to feel Your affections
I want to feel Your touch
I want to feel Your kiss
I want to feel Your love

There are times, when this world consumes me
But Father, I want to feel Your touch

Because You are Holy, oh so Holy
Father, I want to feel Your love

Your banner is love

Your banner over me is love.
Yesterday, today, and tomorrow.
Your love remains.

Yesterday, everything seemed the same.
Class began and I was back in that place.
Lost in the world, struggling to get out.

Your banner over me is love.
Yesterday, today, and tomorrow.
Your love remains.

Tomorrow, will anything change?
Will I got through the same motions?
Will I follow my pattern or not?

Your banner over me is love.
Yesterday, today, and tomorrow.
Your love remains.

Today, I’ve decided to love You more.
My mind and soul are sent on You.
Oh, that I may love You more.

Your banner over me is love.
Yesterday, today, and tomorrow.
Your love remains.

Father purify our souls.

february 1st

First day of February 2010, here is what I am currently feeling…

One of my good friends Becca and I, are placing a small little challenge on ourselves this new month.  For the next two months we will be reading 5 chapters of the New Testament each day.  Ultimately, we should finish the whole New Test in two months!  We are starting with Matthew and moving along.  I honestly, couldn’t wait for February to come and to begin this new little adventure I have placed myself in.  I look froward to what I have to learn about the New Test that I do not know now!  In this moment in time, I have read 4 chapters so far.  Matthew has an interesting way of writing.

Therefore, in many ways I feel good.  I’m excited and looking to see how this turns out.  My relationship with God, I’m just watching it grow.  As well as, my desire to spend more time with Him.

On the other hand… concerning relationships with people, I’m not sure what to say.  I’m disappointed in many ways and I don’t even know if I have the right to be disappointed.  I don’t get how God can handle us in anyway, that just shows me how great His love is.  Because really, if it was me… I’d get so mad.  I wish I was more like Him, I want to be.  I want patience and the ability to hold no record of wrong.  I’m not going to play the stupid human card and say, “well, I’m human… it’s not like I can act any differently.”  Because, no.  I am human, but I can choose to feel, act, and say whatever I want.  I can choose to know that God forgives and forgive others.  I can choose to know that when I move and go towards a situation I know I will fail, to have faith that He will pull me through.

I have to go to work now.  I don’t have time to finish my thoughts.  I just pray He will give me the strength and wisdom I need.  I pray Father, that You will guide my ways and teach me.  Help me Father, for I can do nothing right without You.

beloved, i have come

Beloved, I have come to set you free.  I am the one who loves you…

O, You seek me in the shadows
the shadows I have placed myself in.
At night I cry, hoping to escape this pain
and my tears run like an ever flowing river.
How do I let go?  How do I stop?

When the quiet comes, I hear Him:
“I am your light in these shadows,
come to me, my arms are wide open.
Beloved, My love will set you free.”

My sadness has captured my soul
the fear of failure never leaves my side.
I find myself never enough
I am the unseen child of God, I say.
When will I be free?  When will I say no?

In the storm I hear His voice:
“Nothing else will capture your soul but Me
I have loved you from the beginning of time.
Beloved, I am the one who sees you.”

Beloved, I have come to set you free.  I am the one who loves you…

children

Tonight I went to the church and helped out with the 2 & 3 year old kids.

I love them.  One little boy by the name of Dylan really missed his daddy.  He would be okay for a little bit and then start crying slightly and would just asked for his daddy.  Beg for his daddy, hoping we would listen and go get his daddy.  I wanted to ease his fear of being away, so I kept asking him questions or asking him if he wanted to play something.  Dylan would just shake his head.

One of the other girls (who was helping as well) there seem to be impatient with him.  I felt most of the time she made him want his dad more than calm him down.

Another boy named Eagan, was just the cutest.  I played some games with him and he kept looking like he wanted to cry as well.  But the times I got him to smile, were the best.  Him smiling made me happy.

Then there was Titan.  Haha, oh boy.  I was sitting at a table with him.  He’s three years old by the way.  He was like: “I’m going to make use some food!” And I was like, okay.  He found some plates, a face milk, and a bowl.  He brought them to the table and put one plate in front of him.  I asked him if we should pray for our food.  He nodded and put his two little hands in front of him.  I did the same and waited.  He didn’t pray so I called Ava (the cute bossy little girl of the bunch) to come pray and eat with us.  She wanted a plate, so I gave her the bowl.  Then, Ava and Titan prayed together… somehow.  After that, we ate!

Ava the cutest little girl… usually has babies who are sick!  She’s so fun!

come down

“Oh that you would rend the heavens and come down.” Isaiah 64:1

Come Lord Jesus!!!!!!!!

What would happen if Jesus rend the heavens and came down? What would happen? How would we change our lives if we knew He was coming tomorrow? Or, might as well, TODAY? What would you change? What would you keep the same? How would your view of the world change?

I have this passion, this passion to not stay quiet. I’m scared, I don’t do good with explaining Jesus to others. I stumble, nothing ever comes out right. I panic and know I’m giving a misinterpretation of God. I avoid it. But no longer, I pray God will give me words, prepare me, help me not to be silent.

Psalm 30:11-12 says, “You have turned my mourning into dancing; you have loosen my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness, that my glory may sing your praise and not be silent.”

I pray for fire, I pray for dancing, I pray for singing! I no longer will be silent. My mourning has been turned into dancing and I will dance with joy and gladness. I pray you break these restrictions we have of You Lord. I pray against the box we place You in Lord. I pray that Your people will not sit silent, will not let things pass us by, but will boast in You and be bold in Your grace. I pray against being quiet and passive. But, I pray we will exalt You. Proclaim You. Turn towards You!

Oh that You would rend the heavens and come down. Come down, just come down. Lord come DOWN. Lord, I pray come down, rend the heavens and come down!!!

passionate

I want my desire for Jesus Christ to increase.

I want to have a passion for Him, that I will never be able to explain words.

I want to be able to forgive and love as He does.

I want a “normal” day never to exist.

I want a revival at my school and increase of His spirit on my campus.

Oh, Beloved, work in me. Teach me. Win me. Help me.